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Updates from May, 2012

  • Chris and Brooke Gardner of Mount Auburn, Iowa, raise goats — but not your garden-variety goats.

    According to the Gazette, based in Cedar Rapids, the couple raises both pygmy and “fainting” goats, a breed so named because they collapse under almost any sort of stress. The newspaper reports that neighbours of the farm enjoy rankling the herd, “honking their car horns to watch the goats keel over from fright as their defence mechanism.”

    The hereditary condition, known as myotonia congenita, causes the muscles of afflicted goats to freeze for about 10 seconds when the animal is startled. While painless to the breed, the reaction causes younger goats to stiffen and fall over even though they retain full consciousness.

    Brooke Gardner says the farm has largely switched from breeding pygmy goats, which like to jump on to people’s cars, to the fainting variety, also known as Nervous Goats, Stiff-leg Goats and Tennessee Fainting Goats.

    “I like fainters a lot more,” she says. “You don’t have to worry about them.”


    8:00 am on May 5, 2012
     
  • Conservative broadcaster Rush Limbaugh says he’s not sure if someone’s monkeyed with his car’s wireless system. The talk show host recently told listeners of his radio program that he was using a voice-to-text application accessed via iPhone when the system went haywire.

    “What showed up on my iPhone was ‘Obama’s minions are taking over and there’s nothing you can do about it,’ and I hadn’t said anything like that,” he claims.

    Limbaugh says that, under normal conditions, the car radio is automatically muted and unmuted to allow unencumbered dictation. In this case, the car’s mute function failed to operate properly, leading him to wonder if the car had been tampered with. A subsequent attempt produced additional Obama-themed messages supplied by the dictation software.

    “What came back to me the second time was totally unrelated to anything I had said,” Limbaugh recounts. “It was talking about wind power and Obama and ‘You don’t have a chance.’”


    8:00 am on April 28, 2012
     
  • By Peter Kenter

    A Zimbabwe man has survived a “traditional healing” treatment that involved placing two vehicle wheel bearings on each of his arms, says the Bulawayo Sunday News.

    Martin Mlalazi was taken to United Bulawayo Hospital after a healer instructed him to insert his arms into the metal rings as part of a prescription to cure an undisclosed ailment.

    “He did this after he smeared soap on the hands and inserted them up to the arm level,” an unnamed hospital staffer told the newspaper. “He took too long to visit the hospital and the bearings were now cutting deep into the flesh and if he had delayed a bit further, the worst could have happened.’’

    Wikimedia Commons

    Mlalazi attempted to remove the auto parts using a hacksaw and axe, but the rings only gave way after engineers from Bulawayo City Council (BCC) fire and ambulance services applied metal grinders to the hardened steel.

    “That man should really thank the BCC guys because they saved him,” said the hospital source. Mlalazi told the newspaper that he was “feeling better” after the ordeal.


    2:18 pm on February 13, 2012
     
  • By Peter Kenter

    A Houston woman was found after spending five days stranded in her car, stuck in a pool of wastewater as she survived on M&Ms, peanut butter and bottled water.

    Houston’s KHOU-TV reports that Lynn Keesler was driving a rental car through Burley, Idaho and couldn’t locate her hotel. Cassia County Undersheriff George Warrell says the woman received directions from a police officer, but she mistakenly headed into a field, where her car became trapped in a drainage pond.

    The driver honked her horn and flashed her lights until the car’s battery gave out. Believing the safest course of action was to stay with the vehicle, Keesler remained inside for the next five days, surviving on snacks.

    A rain storm activated pumps that began filling the drainage pond. That convinced Keesler to leave the car as water threatened to fill the passenger compartment.

    The driver made her way to a nearby farmhouse, where residents called police and ambulance services.

    Keesler refused assistance, telling emergency responders that she only wanted a warm bed and a bath.


    9:00 am on February 13, 2012
     
  • By Peter Kenter

    There’s nothing quite like getting a car sparkling clean in an automated car wash. Car owners who want to bring that experience into their fashionable homes have a champion in French designer Philippe Malouin, who designed the Dervish lamp to simulate the effects of a spinning car wash brush.

    Philippe Malouin

    Whirling dervishes

    “While borrowing a friend’s car for the day, I decided to have it washed to show my gratitude,” he says. “I pulled into an automated car wash and, while inside, I couldn’t help but notice how the car wash brushes completely alter their shape from flimsy, drooping hair-covered rods to massive powerful beams. Could this quality of transformation be applied to the home sector? The car wash brushes go from limp to cones to beams. A lamp could use this whimsical feature to direct light from a tube of light to a cone to an open light source.”

    Part lamp, part ceiling fan, the Dervish is available in Canada at Montreal’s Commissaires for £2,500 ($3,950).


    9:00 am on February 6, 2012
     
  • By Peter Kenter

    An Australian driver reports he recently found himself driving through a shower of

    Wikimedia/Peter Kenter

    Dog charity loses some of its bills.

    thousands of dollars in currency. The money rain poured forth on an afternoon drive through Windsor, about an hour northwest of Sydney.

    Assuming the flurry of paper was leftover ticker tape from a celebration, the driver says he pulled over, only to find a litter of $10 and $20 Australian notes.

    “I felt like I was on a game show in one of those cash-blowing machines,” the anonymous driver told the Hawkesbury Gazette.

    The driver stuffed the currency under his arm, eventually finding two bags stuffed with 50s, 100s and a credit card. He took the cash and credit card to Windsor Police, where it was later claimed by A.W.A.R.E. Dogs Australia, a charity working to provide assistance and therapy dogs to people in need.

    A spokesman for the charity said the cash had accidentally fallen out of a charity worker’s car after a city council meeting.


    9:00 am on February 5, 2012
     
  • Institute for Medical and Biological Problems

    These astronauts' mission to Mars took place in a parking lot.

    A simulated Mars exploration mission located in a Moscow parking lot has garnered a British DAFTA award for one of the most daft news items of 2011.

    Taking home the prize in the Weird Science category, the Mars-500 simulation exercise was organized by the Moscow-based Institute for Medical and Biological Problems in co-operation with the European Space Agency.

    Standing in for the Mars spacecraft — a bus-sized shipping container lined with wood panelling. Six volunteer astronauts were paid about $100,000 apiece for spending 18 months inside the container, where they ate space food, played video games such as Counter-Strike and conducted experiments.

    Long-distance communication with Earth was simulated by deliberately delaying messages from the home planet as they approached Mars.

    The astronauts emerged on to the parking lot only once during the mission, wearing spacesuits and picking their way across a strategic coating of red sand designed to simulate a Mars landing.


    9:00 am on February 4, 2012
     
  • By Peter Kenter

    A Scottish woman says she’ll buy Hovis brand bread exclusively after surviving a car crash courtesy of a  “medium-sliced white loaf” that cushioned her head during the accident.

    Liz Douglas of Stronachlachar, Scotland says she attempted to avoid a telephone pole, then flipped her car.

    Getty Images/Thinkstock

    Saved by the bread!

    “The loaf had been thrown from the back seat of the car and landed on the roof of the car inside the vehicle in time to cushion my head during its contact with the roof of the vehicle,” Douglas told the Stirling Observer. “I was trapped inside the car for almost an hour in total between having the accident and while emergency services cut me from the car.

    During this time, the loaf remained as a cushion and support for my head as I was upside down.” Douglas says she has preserved the life-saving loaf “complete with the impression of my head still in it.”


    9:00 am on January 22, 2012